everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
