so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
