He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
