My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
