Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
