you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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