my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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