Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
