How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
