just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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