hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
