No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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