Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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