I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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