Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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