Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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