Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
