So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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