I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
