I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
