8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
there is glitter all over my balls
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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