And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
