Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I would ride that face into the sunset
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
