im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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