Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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