i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
