then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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