I would go down on you faster than GM stock
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
