Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
