My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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