Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
