i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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