my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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