I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I wear drunk well.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
