Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
