My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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