apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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