as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
