If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
