Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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