I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
