They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
