I think my vagina is haunted
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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