Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
