I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
