a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
