And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
