yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
