Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
