Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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