Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the day after is always just damage control
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
