Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
