I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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