Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
